Love Addiction vs. Anxious Attachment: Similarities, Differences, and How to Heal

August 28, 2025

Discover how anxious attachment and love addiction overlap, how they differ, and why anxious attachment can increase vulnerability to love addiction. Explore practical strategies to break unhealthy cycles, build secure attachment, and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

By Jim Hall, MS, Love Addiction | Attachment Specialist

Understanding anxious attachment styles and love addiction can be tricky. These two concepts are often confused in the realm of dating and relationships, but they are distinct.

While many individuals struggling with love addiction also have an anxious attachment style, not everyone with anxious attachment develops an addiction to love. When the two overlap, however, they can create a powerful cycle of dependency — where a partner becomes the primary source of emotional security and self-worth (Sussman, 2010; Gori et al., 2024).

This cycle often results in intense emotional experiences marked by yearning, pursuit, and obsession. From the inside, love addiction and anxious attachment may feel almost indistinguishable, which is why they can be so difficult to sort out. Left unaddressed, both patterns can fuel toxic relationships and emotional distress (Guan et al., 2025).

By learning to recognize both their similarities and differences, you can begin to make sense of your own experiences. This awareness becomes the first step toward healing core issues and building healthier, more secure, and more fulfilling relationships.

Key Takeaways: Anxious Attachment & Love Addiction

• Anxious attachment and love addiction are distinct, but often confused concepts.
• Anxious attachment can create a cycle of dependency that, for some, develops into love addiction.
• Neither is a formal diagnosis in the DSM-5 (APA, 2013), though many experts consider love addiction a process or behavioral addiction (Maglia et al., 2023).
• Both often stem from early childhood experiences such as insecure bonds, trauma, shame, or inconsistent parenting (Gori et al., 2024).
• Both involve relational patterns that make it challenging to build and sustain secure, fulfilling relationships.
• Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward understanding your behaviors and working toward healthier relationship dynamics.

Love Addiction and Anxious Attachment: Definitions

Love Addiction

Love addiction is an obsessive and compulsive pattern of pursuing intense romantic relationships or infatuations despite harmful consequences. Many experts consider it a form of behavioral addiction — similar to gambling or shopping addiction (Maglia et al., 2023; Sussman, 2010) — though it is not formally recognized as a mental health disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5; American Psychiatric Association, 2013).

In practice, love addicts often develop a deep emotional dependence on a partner, or even on the idea of being in a relationship, to fill an inner void. Symptoms can include prioritizing relationships over personal well-being, experiencing intense highs and lows tied to a partner’s availability, and neglecting work, friendships, or self-care (Fisher, Xu, Aron, & Brown, 2016; Acevedo & Aron, 2014).

Anxious Attachment

Anxious attachment is one of four primary attachment styles (secure, avoidant, anxious, and disorganized) that form in early childhood (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2021). It is characterized by a strong desire for closeness and a persistent fear of abandonment and rejection.

People with an anxious attachment style often seek frequent reassurance, hold negative self-views, and experience distress when a partner withdraws. These patterns are rooted in early inconsistent caregiving and can significantly shape adult relationships (Gori et al., 2024).

👉 For a deeper dive to understand love addiction, see: What is Love Addiction & Is it Real?

Shared Origins: Both anxious attachment and love addiction are commonly linked to childhood relational trauma, neglect, or inconsistent caregiving — experiences where love felt unreliable or conditional (Gori et al., 2024). This leaves individuals feeling undeserving of love, fueling insecurities and fears of abandonment that may manifest as attachment anxiety, love addiction, or both. These experiences can foster deep-seated insecurities, feelings of unworthiness, boundary issues, and a fear of abandonment in adulthood.

For some, anxious attachment remains a style of relating marked by hypervigilance and worry. For others, it can escalate into love addiction — a compulsive, addiction-like pattern of seeking validation and emotional intensity through romantic relationships.

Similarities Between Love Addiction and Anxious Attachment

Anxious attachment and love addiction share similarities that can make them difficult to distinguish, including the following:

1. Fear of Abandonment

Individuals with anxious attachment or love addiction patterns often carry a deep, sometimes unconscious fear of being rejected or left alone. This fear can be overwhelming and lead to desperate attempts to cling to relationships at any cost. Over time, the effort to escape abandonment can result in a loss of self.

To soothe these fears and secure their partner’s affection, they may engage in behaviors such as:

• Clinging excessively, appearing overly needy, or remaining hyper-vigilant to a partner’s moods and actions
• Over-accommodating and engaging in people-pleasing behaviors
• Staying in unhealthy or toxic relationships to avoid being alone
• Sacrificing their own needs, wants, or desires to maintain closeness

The fear of abandonment creates a self-defeating cycle. In their attempt to maintain closeness, they often sabotage intimacy, neglect self-care, and hinder their ability to form healthy, balanced relationships.

2. Insecurity and Low Self-Worth

Those who struggle with love addiction or anxious attachment often harbor deep-seated feelings of inadequacy or defectiveness. They may believe they are fundamentally unworthy of love unless they are constantly validated and approved of by their partner.

This need for external validation can manifest in patterns such as:

• Becoming overly dependent on their partner to feel stable or whole
• Frequently seeking reassurance, validation, and approval
• Trying to “earn” love by giving more, doing more, or overextending themselves
• Feeling unworthy or undeserving when connecting with a healthy, emotionally available partner

These insecurities can create an exhausting cycle of proving one’s value, leaving the individual feeling depleted and disconnected from their authentic worth.

3. Relationship Obsession

Love addicts and anxiously attached individuals frequently find themselves trapped in obsessive thoughts that cloud their reality and daily lives. Their thoughts may be consumed by the need to secure love, leading to cycles of anxiety, fantasy, and yearning that overshadow other aspects of life.

This obsessive preoccupation may include:

• Constant fantasizing, idealizing, or imagining a “perfect” partnership that often doesn’t reflect reality
• Ruminating doubts and repeatedly questioning a partner’s feelings and intentions
• Overanalyzing interactions — replaying conversations, scrutinizing tone of voice, facial expressions, or even small gestures

This obsessive mentality not only disrupts the individual’s peace of mind but also strains the relationship itself. Misinterpretations, heightened tension, and emotional volatility may arise, making it difficult for genuine intimacy and trust to develop.

4. “Overnight” Love

Individuals with love addiction or anxious attachment often find themselves “falling in love overnight” without truly knowing their partner. Instead of building a slow, steady connection based on shared values and genuine intimacy, they may mistake initial attraction and infatuation for love.

This pattern can show up as:

• Jumping to premature conclusions about a partner, bypassing the crucial stage of truly getting to know them
• Ignoring the gradual process of assessing values, compatibility, and long-term goals
• Idealizing their partner, fueled by overwhelming passion and attraction
• Focusing on a partner’s potential rather than their present reality
• Ignoring red flags or warning signs

Forming romantic attachments too quickly is often driven by fear and fantasy. Recognizing these patterns allows individuals to slow down, develop discernment, and cultivate more grounded and meaningful connections.

5. Challenges in Choosing Compatible Partners

People with anxious attachment or love addiction often feel drawn to avoidant and narcissistic partners. This attraction, though unconscious, reinforces their insecurities and perpetuates a painful cycle of unmet needs (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2021; Gori et al., 2024).

• Avoidant partners tend to pull away when intimacy is sought, offering only brief moments of closeness before withdrawing again (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2021).
• Narcissistic partners may initially engage in “love bombing” — showering their partner with affection and attention — but eventually alternate between warmth and coldness, leaving the anxious partner unsettled.

This “push-pull” cycle often creates:

• Triggered fears of abandonment and rejection
• Heightened feelings of insecurity (“I’m not enough”)
• Unease about the stability of the relationship
• A constant sense of being let down, fueling anxiety and hurt

These patterns are rarely conscious choices. Instead, they often reflect early experiences of inconsistent caregiving, making chaos feel familiar. Because of this conditioning, healthy and secure relationships may initially feel “boring” or lacking in chemistry — when in fact they offer the stability and safety that anxious individuals deeply need.

6. Protest Behaviors

When faced with real or perceived threats in a relationship — such as withdrawal, rejection, or emotional distance — individuals with love addiction or anxious attachment may unconsciously engage in protest behaviors. These behaviors are often attempts to reestablish connection, but they frequently come across as dramatic or destabilizing, creating the opposite effect (Guan et al., 2025).

• Lashing out, criticizing, or issuing threats
• Shutting down and giving the silent treatment
• Excessive calling, texting, or leaving repeated messages
• Making desperate demands for immediate attention or resolution

Although the intent is to reconnect or seek reassurance, protest behaviors frequently sabotage closeness, intensify conflict, and reinforce the fear of abandonment that triggered them in the first place (Guan et al., 2025).

7. Difficulty with Boundaries

Both love addiction and anxious attachment often erode the ability to establish and maintain healthy personal boundaries. Without clear limits, individuals may lose their sense of self within relationships and tolerate harmful dynamics. Boundary struggles may include:

• Accepting disrespect, disconnection, or abuse as “normal” or deserved
• Struggling to separate their emotions and needs from their partner’s
• Avoiding boundary-setting out of fear of being seen as “too needy” or “demanding”
• Taking full responsibility for relationship issues while excusing the partner’s behavior
• Believing their efforts alone maintain the relationship’s health
• Rationalizing mistreatment as a reflection of their own worth

Weak or unclear boundaries can lead to emotional exhaustion, resentment, and a diminished sense of self-worth. Learning to set and uphold healthy limits is essential for fostering self-respect and creating relationships that are balanced and mutually nurturing.

Key Differences Between Love Addiction and Anxious Attachment

While love addiction and anxious attachment often overlap, their origins and expressions are different. Recognizing these differences may help determine whether you're experiencing one, the other, or both.

Anxious Attachment Style

• Theoretical roots: Grounded in attachment theory, anxious attachment reflects relational insecurity shaped by inconsistent caregiving (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2021). It is marked by emotional dependency, clinginess, and heightened fear of abandonment.
• Behavioral patterns: Worry about a partner’s love or commitment stemming primarily from insecurity about relationship stability — not an addictive cycle.
• Relationship to self: Anxiety about losing a partner’s love while retaining some sense of self-identity.
• Treatment focus: Developing secure attachment, self-soothing skills, and emotional regulation.

Love Addiction

• Theoretical roots: Considered a behavioral addiction, shaped by psychological and biological factors such as dysregulated reward pathways (dopamine, oxytocin) (Fisher et al., 2016; Maglia et al., 2023).
• Behavioral patterns: Compulsive pursuit of intensity, euphoria, and emotional escape despite negative consequences — including staying in toxic relationships, neglecting responsibilities, or experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms after a breakup (Guan et al., 2025). The cycle closely resembles patterns seen in substance addictions (ABPP).
• Relationship to self: Self-identity can become fully enmeshed with the lover, the fantasy of the lover, or the state of “being in love.”
• Treatment focus: Secure attachment and self-soothing skills plus addiction recovery strategies, craving management, and withdrawal support.

How to Know Where You Stand: Love Addiction or Anxious Attachment?

If you’re wondering whether you struggle more with love addiction or anxious attachment, the truth is—there’s no perfect science to know for sure. These patterns overlap, and many people experience both of them. The first step is self-reflection.

If your relationship patterns are causing significant distress, consulting a licensed mental health professional or a coach specializing in love addiction and attachment can provide deeper clarity and guide an effective healing plan.

To Identify Anxious Attachment Traits, Ask Yourself:

• Is my primary fear that my partner will leave me — or that I will never feel the intense connection and high of love again? (Fear of abandonment vs. craving a high)
• When I’m single, do I simply feel lonely and desire companionship — or do I feel deeply flawed and desperate to find any romantic connection to fill the void? (Loneliness vs. withdrawal)
• Do my anxious behaviors come from wanting to feel secure with my partner — or from wanting to feel intoxicated and alive by them? (Seeking stability vs. seeking intensity)

To Identify Love Addiction Patterns, Ask Yourself:

• Do I find myself moving from one intense relationship to another, often with unavailable or unhealthy partners?
• Has my pursuit of relationships led me to compromise my values, identity, finances, or emotional/physical safety?
• When a relationship ends, do I experience more than heartbreak — such as intense insomnia, anxiety attacks, loss of appetite, or a deep emptiness that feels unbearable and only relieved by finding another relationship? (This suggests a true withdrawal syndrome.)

👉 Explore further: Am I a Love Addict? - Love Addict Quiz

Key takeaway: If your struggles feel more like insecurity, fear of rejection, or needing reassurance, you may lean toward anxious attachment. If they feel more like compulsion, obsession, and withdrawal that disrupt your life, you may be dealing with love addiction.

Strategies for Healing Anxious Attachment and Love Addiction

Healing from anxious attachment and love addiction begins with awareness and continues with persistent, intentional growth. Whether you identify primarily with anxious attachment or with the more compulsive cycle of love addiction, the path forward involves similar steps:

• Building Self-Awareness — Recognize your triggers, protest behaviors, and the fears that drive your reactions in relationships (Guan et al., 2025). Awareness is the first tool for breaking old cycles.
• Strengthening Self-Worth — Use affirmations and daily practices that reinforce your inherent value; you are lovable and worthy of healthy connection.
• Developing Secure Relationship Skills — Practice setting healthy boundaries, communicating directly and honestly, and managing the pace of relationships (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2021). Seek connections that feel safe, not ones that trigger anxiety, intensity, or chaos.
• Healing Past Wounds — Process unresolved childhood wounds through therapy, coaching, journaling, or support groups (Gori et al., 2024). Releasing old pain and toxic shame makes healthier attachment possible.
• Practicing Emotional Regulation — Soothe anxiety without relying on constant reassurance from a partner. Mindfulness, grounding techniques, and self-care rituals build inner stability.
• Seeking Support — Join 12-step groups, therapy, or coaching. Healing is best done in a safe, supportive community, where healthier patterns can be modeled and reinforced.

🔑 Key Takeaways: Action Steps for Healing

• Pause before reacting — When anxious or triggered, name the fear you're experiencing before reaching out.
• Practice one daily self-soothing tool — Try grounding, journaling, or mindful breathing.
• Affirm your worth — Repeat statements that remind you you’re lovable and deserving of healthy connections; "I am enough", "I deserve healthy love."
• Set one boundary this week — State it calmly and clearly; notice how it supports your self-respect.
• Choose stability over intensity, even if it feels boring at first— Seek partners and experiences that bring safety, not chaos.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Can you have anxious attachment without love addiction?
Yes. Anxious attachment is an insecure style, while love addiction involves compulsive, addiction-like cycles (Sussman, 2010; Guan et al., 2025). However, anxious attachment can increase vulnerability to love addiction.

2. Is love addiction a real diagnosis?
Love addiction is not formally recognized in the DSM-5, but many experts consider it a behavioral addiction similar to gambling or shopping addiction (Maglia et al., 2023). Research continues to explore its psychological and biological underpinnings.👉 Read more: What is Love Addiction and Is It Real?

3. How do I know if I struggle with love addiction or just anxious attachment?
The key difference is intensity and impact. Anxious attachment involves insecurity and fear of abandonment, while love addiction includes compulsive behaviors, withdrawal symptoms, and neglect of other life areas. A mental health professional can help clarify your situation. 👉 Helpful resource: Love Addiction Withdrawal: Understanding the Pain After a Breakup

4. Why do love addicts and anxiously attached people choose unhealthy partners?
Often, early childhood experiences of inconsistent caregiving make unstable relationships feel familiar. This can lead to choosing avoidant or narcissistic partners who trigger old wounds, reinforcing unhealthy cycles (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2021; Gori et al., 2024). 👉 Related article: 6 Common Signs of Avoidants

5. Can anxious attachment and love addiction be healed?
Yes. Recovery involves building secure attachment, strengthening self-worth, learning self-soothing skills, and, for love addiction, addressing addictive love patterns and managing cravings or withdrawal (Gori et al., 2024; Guan et al., 2025). 👉 Start here: Ground Rules for Recovering Love Addicts

Conclusion

There is nothing to feel ashamed of if you struggle with an anxious attachment style or love addiction. These patterns, put simply, were your best efforts to cope and get your needs met. They often develop from coping strategies learned in childhood to seek love, security, and self-regulation. While those strategies may have helped you survive early on, they don’t always serve you well in adult relationships.

The good news is that healthy change and recovery are always possible. You can learn new, secure-based ways of relating that support your self-worth, honor your needs, and help you create relationships based on safety, mutual respect, and genuine love (Gori et al., 2024).

Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but every step you take — building awareness, practicing self-compassion, establishing functional boundaries, and choosing healthier connections — moves you closer to the kind of love and security you deserve. With patience, practice, and the right support, lasting change is not only possible — it’s within your reach.

👉 Explore coaching for love addiction and anxious attachment. Together, we’ll work on breaking old patterns, strengthening your sense of self-worth, and building the secure, healthy connections you deserve. You don’t have to do this alone — real change is possible with the right tools and guidance.

References

Acevedo, B. P., & Aron, A. (2014). Romantic love, pair-bonding, and the dopamine system: Integrating social and neuroscience perspectives. Frontiers in Psychology, 5, 1096. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.01096

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.

Fisher, H. E., Xu, X., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2016). Intense, passionate, romantic love: A natural addiction — How the fields that investigate romance and substance abuse can inform each other. Frontiers in Psychology, 7, 687. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.00687

Gori, A., Topino, E., & Griffiths, M. D. (2024). Love addiction, trauma, and insecure attachment: A systematic review. Health Psychology Research, 12(1), 65–78. https://doi.org/10.52965/001c.12345

Guan, C., Wang, J., Zhang, L., Xu, Z., Zhang, Y., & Jiang, B. (2025). A longitudinal network analysis of the relationship between love addiction, insecure attachment patterns, and interpersonal dependence. BMC Psychology, 13(330). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40359-025-01234-5

Maglia, A., Cerniglia, L., Cimino, S., & Griffiths, M. D. (2023). Love addiction: Conceptualization, measurement, and clinical implications. Journal of Behavioral Addictions, 12(2), 215–229. https://doi.org/10.1556/2006.2023.00021

Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2021). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change (3rd ed.). New York, NY: Guilford Press.

Sussman, S. (2010). Love addiction: Definition, etiology, treatment. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 17(1), 31–45. https://doi.org/10.1080/10720161003604095