Love Addiction Withdrawal: Signs, Symptoms and How to Cope
By Jim Hall, MS
Love addiction withdrawal, sometimes referred to as relationship withdrawal or emotional withdrawal, is the intense emotional pain and physical distress that occurs when a romantic relationship ends or a loved one becomes unavailable.
Research shows that for some people, romantic rejection or loss activates the same brain areas and causes nearly identical symptoms as drug withdrawal, such as intense craving, feelings of emptiness, and obsessive thoughts. (Sbarra & Ferrer, 2020).
Many people describe withdrawal from a relationship as far more painful than a “normal breakup”—and in large part, that’s true.
Love addiction is a strong dependency and deep attachment to someone, where the brain goes through withdrawal when a love interest is absent, similar to drug addiction, causing significant pain. Additionally, the intense pain from a relationship breakup can evoke unresolved or repressed childhood losses, traumas, and feelings of abandonment.
In this article, you'll gain important insights into love withdrawal and key strategies to cope and move forward on a healthy path to help restore emotional balance.
Tracy's Story: A Journey Through Relationship Withdrawal After a Breakup
"When he said it was over, my symptoms kicked in instantly. I was shocked and baffled. I stopped breathing. I could not gather my thoughts. I felt like it wasn't happening, but it was. It was surreal. My stomach turned upside down, my mouth was dry, I was sweating, and my heart was trembling. Out of intense denial, I said to him-- you're not serious, are you? What's going on?
Being broken up and having no contact with him felt like death. In an unsteady voice, knowing deep down it was true, a rush of panic and shock waves pulsated through my body as the dagger pierced my chest.
As weeks passed, I was trying to grapple with the intensity of it all. I had micro-moments of imagined sanity. In denial, with frequent periods of intense crying and wailing, I could hear the loud echoes of my voice bouncing off the walls. All the emptiness in my body was present every waking moment. I felt I had lost my soul.
I couldn’t identify who I was; how could he do this? This person to whom I gave my all to—he was such a kind, giving, and passionate person in the beginning—what happened to him?…
This isn’t who he is… I know he still loves me. Oh—how I wish we could get back to how it was… he was the one I loved so much… we could have such a beautiful future together. He seemed to have it all together, everything I dreamed of in a person. At night, the most intense anxiety and loneliness rushed through me, all of the emptiness felt… the only peace I felt was when I was sleeping.
When I awoke each morning, the pain and overwhelming reality of being alone struck like lightning, with constant weeping. I was obsessed with what he was doing. Is he thinking of me? Does he miss me? My obsessions continued nonstop, every minute of every hour—why did I make so many mistakes? Details of all the ‘mistakes’ I made—I didn’t consider his mistakes, his issues, and the crap I tolerated from him.
No, in my mind, I removed all his flaws; I always justified them. It was me, my fault; how could I be such a loser? No one will love me the way he loved me… oh, how I wish I could be with him. How I wish I could do it over again.
Damning myself continuously—I need to talk, touch, see him—I can’t take this hole in my chest—he was my soulmate, we were perfect together, we had such an amazing connection! I don’t think I will be loved again the way he loved me. No one could replace what we had together!
Then I’d flip to extreme anger—then resentment—then back to obsessing, desperately wanting him; he completes me—I yearn—I want to connect with him once again, and again—I need relief, at least for a moment, to stop this anguish. That son of a bitch—how could he do this to me, then thoughts of revenge—I want to hurt him, I want him to suffer as I am… but I want him, I hate him, I love him. Fuck! This is not fair.
Drive-bys, calling—hanging up—then occasionally, contact, actually speaking to him, only to get the cold voice over the phone, but it didn’t matter; he was my Prince, my drug that gave me relief. And in my denial, my detox, the fixes kept me going… if only momentarily. Always pining for the end of this pain, I just felt like dying."
Who Experiences Love Withdrawal?
Love withdrawal from a relationship breakup or loss of a love interest is most commonly experienced by individuals who are struggling with love addiction patterns. Love addicts often form deep emotional bonds and rely heavily on their romantic partners for a sense of identity, validation, and self-worth. When the relationship ends or contact is lost, the sudden separation triggers a powerful emotional distress that feels overwhelming and unmanageable.
When that source (a romantic partner) is removed from their lives, the brain reacts similarly to substance withdrawal, producing symptoms like intense panic, obsession, emptiness, craving for contact, and even physical discomfort.
Do avoidant individuals experience love withdrawal after breaking up?
Those with avoidant attachment styles can also experience withdrawal, but it often presents differently—through emotional numbing, shutting down, or avoidance behaviors. Understanding your attachment style and love addiction tendencies is key to healing, because these patterns drive much of the pain experienced during separation.
Normal Breakup Grief vs. Love Addiction Withdrawal
It's normal for people who experience the loss of a relationship through divorce or a breakup to experience a grieving process—feel hurt, pain, abandonment reactions, sorrow, and heartache.
There might be a sense of failure, hopelessness, loss, despair, fear, or desperation. They will move through a grieving cycle (with varying lengths of time). Eventually, as they move through these emotions, they will feel better and heal.
For love addicts and some with an anxious attachment style, the grief goes beyond the normal stages of the grieving process, where they get stuck in one or more of the levels of grief, which turns into extremely painful withdrawal.
It is not a withdrawal from a drug or alcohol—but an emotional withdrawal.
They ache, throb, and desperately want relief. They experience a deep yearning and obsession to have any connection with their lost partner. Because they mainly identified through their partner's eyes, they feel a loss of self-identity because the symbiotic attachment (the addiction) is now gone.
As one of my recovery clients described it, her experience was like this:
"Withdrawing from love or romantic interest is like life without the medication relied upon—coming down from the unrealistic fantasy to reality, no longer available to numb and deny the self."
Love Withdrawal is Similar to Withdrawing from Other Addictions
Withdrawal in drug addiction happens when an addictive substance is stopped. However, with love addiction—often considered a behavioral addiction—emotional withdrawal symptoms usually occur when a relationship ends.
Sometimes, signs of love withdrawal appear even before the relationship ends because of the anticipation of separation by the love addict or when their avoidant partner is emotionally disengaged or avoiding intimacy. Addicts must keep engaging in the behavior or using a substance to maintain a high or to feel normal as tolerance builds.
When the addiction is stopped or removed for any reason, withdrawal symptoms will inevitably occur—this is what happens when a love addict's relationship ends—especially when there is no longer contact with an ex.
Love Addiction Withdrawal Symptoms
Love addiction withdrawal — especially after a breakup — can feel like emotional whiplash. For many, it mirrors the intensity of substance withdrawal. Recognizing these symptoms is the first step toward healing and reclaiming your emotional freedom.
Emotional Love Addiction Withdrawal Symptoms
- Intense feelings of abandonment or rejection
- Painful obsessing, ruminating over ex/relationship loss
- Craving or longing for ex (wanting contact)
- Emptiness, depression, anxiety, despair
- Grief that feels unshakable
- Deep sense of loss of identity/purpose
- Loneliness/isolation
- Intense crying spells
- Cravings or longing for ex
- Persistent denial or difficulty accepting the breakup
- Idealizing the ex/relationship (even when toxic)
Physical Love Addiction Withdrawal Symptoms
- Insomnia or restless sleep
- Muscle tension
- Loss of appetite, nausea
- Sudden weight loss
- Physical depletion or exhaustion
Relationship withdrawal can feel like a rollercoaster of emotions.
I see clients coming off a breakup struggling with multiple signs and symptoms of love addiction withdrawal.
Most describe feeling completely diminished and insufficient as a person, a complete loss of identity. Love withdrawal might feel like you're swimming upstream against the currents of fate--fate working against you with no end.
For love addicts or anxiously attached, the intense feeling of rejection (no matter who initiated the breakup) by an ex-partner sends a false message that reinforces what they already believe inside--they are not 'enough' and not worthy of being with. Of course, this is not true-- recovery will fix this.
Family members and friends often have no clue or any frame of reference to the trauma the love addict is experiencing. Their simple solutions of "just get over it" or "leave him/her and find someone new" never work. Such comments often fuel the love addict's inner sense of shame, weakness, or unworthiness.
Ironically and unconsciously, one powerful way love addicts try to cope with withdrawal symptoms is to hold on to denial, which is often tied to the obsession that the relationship with an ex-partner "wasn't so bad."
Behavioral Signs: Protest Behaviors — Desperate Acts to Reconnect
In the grip of withdrawal and denial of what is happening, relationship addicts will often engage in what psychologists call drastic protest behaviors—urgent, often irrational actions meant to restore emotional contact with an ex or soothe the pain of disconnection.
These may include:
- Pleading or begging
- Guilt-tripping or emotional threats
- Compulsive texting or calling
- Stalking or violating boundaries
While these behaviors may seem extreme, they’re driven by the same reward circuits involved in drug addiction. The emotional desperation is not just psychological—it’s rooted in real, measurable brain activity (Fisher et al., 2016).
Unending Obsession Over an Ex — A Key Symptom of Love Addiction Withdrawal
A primary symptom of love withdrawal is obsessing over an ex or having ongoing (seemingly unending) intrusive thoughts and/or images of an ex-partner.
Obsessing over an ex can occur in many forms—such as having recurring fantasies about recapturing the love interest and romantic relationship, the magical person they lost, the good times, sex, passion, chemistry, and intensity—while ignoring or filtering the truth that it was more chaos than bliss.
Intense rumination seemingly fans a love addict's feelings of rejection into an emotional inferno. It is the pinnacle of all the experiences of withdrawing from love and other addictions.
The preoccupied thoughts often take control, leaving one feeling powerless to stop them.
Obsessive thinking is often the purest form of distortion or irrational thought in withdrawing from a relationship, characterized by a compulsive need to repeatedly think about certain people, situations, and/or behaviors.
Love Withdrawal and the Brain: It’s Not Just Emotional—It’s Neurological
To truly understand love addiction withdrawal, it helps to first understand how the brain responds to both addiction and romantic love. The intense emotional pain many feel after losing a partner or cutting off a toxic relationship isn’t just “in your head”—it’s biological.
When you fall in love, your brain releases a mix of feel-good chemicals—Key brain chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin, and serotonin—that spark intense pleasure, emotional bonding, and a sense of connection.
When you're withdrawing from a relationship that was part of a love addiction cycle, your brain is reacting similarly to how it would if you were withdrawing from a substance like alcohol or cocaine. Those key "falling in love" brain chemicals drop sharply, triggering feelings of anxiety, depression, obsession, cravings, emotional distress, and even physical discomfort.
Here's a breakdown to understand this.
Your Brain When You Fall in Love
According to Dr. Cynthia Kubu, when you fall in love, several brain and hormone changes create euphoria and that whirlwind feeling:
- Your brain’s 'feel good' system lights up.
Dopamine surges, along with oxytocin and vasopressin —the same feel-good chemical tied to addictions.
- Oxytocin, called the "love hormone," is released during physical intimacy and emotional bonding, fostering attachment and feelings of closeness.
- Vasopressin, a hormone that also plays a role in attachment and pair-bonding, further solidifies the connection between individuals.
- You lose critical judgment.
Brain areas linked to fear and rational thinking quiet down. That’s why many people can often overlook red flags and see our partner through a fantasy version and “rose-colored glasses." - You feel a strong union (an actual biological attachment).
The brain softens boundaries between “you” and “them,” which fuels the feeling of deep emotional connection.
Your Brain in Love Withdrawal: Why It Hurts So Much
During the aftermath of a breakup or relationship loss, especially for those with anxious attachment or love addiction, the brain enters a biochemical and psychological readjustment mode. What feels like heartbreak is actually a form of emotional and neurological withdrawal—similar to detoxing from a powerful drug.
Dopamine and the “High” of Romantic Love
Intense romantic love initially gets the brain reward circuit activated, particularly dopamine, which causes euphoria—similar to an addictive substance. For love addicts, this dopamine-driven high—the brain’s main pleasure chemical—becomes the emotional fuel that regulates their mood and self-worth throughout the relationship.
Over time, the brain becomes dependent on the emotional intensity and 'dopamine hits' by romantic connection, attention, or validation. When that connection is suddenly cut off (through a breakup, even ghosting, or emotional unavailability), the brain experiences a crash, similar to a potent addictive drug being cut off—a neurochemical withdrawal.
In other words— when the addiction supply has run out (love loss), it is like removing cocaine from a cocaine addict's life – the result is an excruciating emotional withdrawal.
Why Love Withdrawal Feels Painfully Traumatic
According to StrIVeMD Wellness (2024), after a breakup, the brain chemicals associated with falling in love drop significantly, initiating the love withdrawal period and causing feelings of pain and trauma:
- Dopamine plummets, leading to mood crashes, depression, low energy, lack of motivation, and a sense of emptiness.
- Emotional withdrawal from a breakup also reduces serotonin levels in the brain, which can trigger ongoing obsessive thoughts about the ex; "obsessive-compulsive behaviors".
- Oxytocin and vasopressin, the bonding hormones, decrease sharply—intensifying feelings of loneliness after separation. The brain feels disconnected, unsafe, and dysregulated.
- Flooding of stress hormones creates physical tension, weakened immunity, and symptoms like nausea, chest pain, or fatigue. This intense neurochemical imbalance explains why love withdrawal is not only emotional—it’s physical.
Understanding the neuroscience of love addiction withdrawal is essential for healing and reducing shame—it's important to recognize you're not absurd; your brain is literally undergoing emotional detox.
How Long Does Love Withdrawal Last?
Having experienced deep relationship withdrawal myself, it can seem like emotional withdrawal symptoms are permanent and never-ending.
How long love addiction withdrawal lasts is one of the most frequently asked questions from my online recovery clients, understandably, since it can be an excruciating experience.
Love withdrawal can feel frightening, anxiety-ridden, and profoundly distressing.
In my online practice, I work with many individuals who are experiencing this painful process. I’ve seen individuals experience a rapid decrease in their symptoms of withdrawal within weeks.
The truth of the matter is—how long the withdrawal from love addiction will vary from person to person.
Those who seek support and guidance—whether from a therapist or a specialized recovery coach—tend to heal faster and more effectively. Why? Because expert help provides the insights, tools, and structure you need to break free and avoid falling back into toxic patterns.
✨ Love Addiction Withdrawal Coaching
If you’re struggling with love addiction withdrawal, I can help.
👉 Work with an Expert: 1 to 1 Recovery Coaching
In many cases, the duration of love withdrawal will depend on your actions and choices, given this uninvited opportunity.
Yes, I said opportunity. It is true.
It may seem crazy to call this an opportunity when love withdrawal can feel like falling through what feels like an unending scorching black hole.
The experience of withdrawing from an addictive relationship is a tremendous opportunity for growth.
Transformation and growth often occur from painful life circumstances.
Generally, when we face the pain and grief of withdrawing from an addicted relationship, we tend to go into survival mode, turning to old coping strategies or adapted behavioral responses from childhood.
For example, a survival mechanism like returning to an unsatisfying relationship with an avoidant or narcissistic ex-partner to dissipate the love withdrawal symptoms—which is detrimental.
Many of us will not learn from our past pains of withdrawing, but instead continue to carry unresolved attachment wounds and self-destructive coping mechanisms into our next relationship and the next, keeping love addiction alive and unhealthy patterns continuing.
It's logical to say that if we permit this to happen, growth and healing won't occur, and we will keep abandoning ourselves and any opportunity for genuine love and intimacy in our future.
How long the breakup withdrawal lasts is often determined by how much support and engagement you seek in recovery.
Fully embracing a solutions-oriented healing process can significantly improve and speed up the healing process.
Being fully engaged in recovery can mean different things to different people.
However, from my experience, it means—committing to a healing process and growth process, seeing a counselor/therapist (preferably one with expertise around love addiction), and doing what is needed.
Fully engaging in recovery means reading literature on love and relationship addiction. It might mean attending support or recovery groups (e.g., healing groups, online or local 12-step groups).
It means being open and honest about what you truly want in your life and the type of partners you want to spend your time with.
It means having and working on important tools and exercises to help you break denial and the obsession of an ex-partner, increase your self-esteem, improve boundaries, and gain clarity into what is most important to you.
Engaging in recovery also means knowing you won’t be perfect on the path.
Do not expect perfection—no one will recover perfectly. We heal with faith and persistence.
Factors that might prolong the painful symptoms of relationship withdrawal.
An important matter that may challenge how fast you heal from the misery of withdrawal is any experience of loss in adulthood, even childhood.
For example, when I (Jim, author) experienced three very close deaths in my family before my very last withdrawal experience from an addictive relationship (breakup).
My mother died less than three years before this breakup; my younger brother died a year after; then my grandmother (with whom I was also very close) died around five months after my brother—all of whom I had a close relationship with.
These were significant losses that required a healthy grieving process.
Around the same period, grieving was replaced with an addictive relationship. I felt grief during this period, but I also anesthetized myself, pushing much of my grieving away with a romantic partner (my new drug).
So when this relationship failed, these unhealed wounds contributed significantly to the withdrawal. My world (I felt) came crashing down; the pain and agony felt unbearable.
During this period, I thought I would never make it through, but I did.
You may feel you will never escape the agony of withdrawal, but you can and will if you focus on your self-care and do what is best for yourself.
More importantly, you don’t ever have to go through this experience again if you take your recovery seriously.
The point in mentioning this is that even if you experienced even one close loss (death, break-up, divorce) in the last 10, 20, or even 30 years—and you didn’t allow yourself to grieve and process your emotions appropriately, this can often profoundly affect your current loss of a relationship today and further fuel the pain and obsession.
Another factor that will no doubt contribute to how long withdrawal will last is the amount of contact and communication you have with an ex-partner, your drug.
Every time you have contact, it is like a recovering alcoholic still experiencing symptoms of his or her withdrawal, stopping by a local bar, sitting down, and taking one or two shots or more—which temporarily provides relief.
Contact is like a heroin addict taking a relieving hit of the pipe.
A No-contact rule is critical to your healing process.
How to Survive Love Addiction Withdrawal
1. Acknowledge What You're Feeling
Start by accepting this truth: love addiction withdrawal is real—and it feels brutal. It can feel like you’re spiraling, losing your mind, or dying. You’re not. Your brain is simply readjusting. It’s been in an addictive loop, and now it’s learning to function without that constant emotional “fix.” This is chemical, emotional, and deeply psychological. And yes—it’s survivable.
“So—and admittedly, this sucks (I’ve been there; my story)—a necessary part of overcoming withdrawal is learning to temporarily tolerate some of the pain and uneasiness… (support is crucial)”
You are not broken. What you’re feeling—obsession, emptiness, panic, confusion—is your brain and body detoxing from a toxic pattern. You're not crazy. You're healing.
2. This Is Your Turning Point
You may feel like you'll never get through this. But the truth is, this pain can become your path forward. Withdrawal symptoms may feel unbearable now, but they are temporary.
The pain you’re feeling is not a failure—it’s a signal. It’s an invitation to finally deal with the unmet needs and deep wounds that have driven past relationships. You don’t have to repeat the cycle. This doesn’t have to be your story forever.
“Far too often, the painful symptoms of withdrawal… lead to relapse. But this doesn’t have to be you.”
20 Practical Strategies to Cope With Love Withdrawal and Breakup Pain
Use these actionable tools to support your recovery and stabilize your emotions.
🧠 Let the Emotions In
Grief and emotions are part of healing. Don’t bottle them up. Feel what you need to feel—it’s how the pain begins to release.
🚫 Go No Contact
Go No-contact with an ex-lover if possible. Create a clear, clean break. Delete messages, mute social media, and avoid emotional triggers. Space brings clarity.
🔄 Don’t Accept the Obsessive Thoughts
Obsessions are part of withdrawal. Recognize that your thoughts aren’t facts. Redirect when possible. [Learn 11 ways to deal with obsession over an ex →]
🤝 Get Support
Isolation intensifies pain. Reach out to a therapist, love addiction coach, support group, or trusted friend who can remind you: you’re not alone.
📓 Journal to Heal
Writing out your thoughts helps process grief and organize the chaos in your mind. It also gives you emotional release.
💔 Don’t Carry the Blame
Most breakups aren’t about personal failure. Let go of shame. You’re learning, not losing.
🧃 Take Care of Your Basic Needs
Eat, rest, and move—even when it feels impossible. These simple acts rebuild emotional stability.
👀 Remember the Bad
Write down how the relationship failed to meet your needs. Keep it handy for the moments nostalgia clouds your judgment.
✨ You’re Complete on Your Own
You were whole before the relationship—and still are. You are lovable, worthy, and enough, as you are.
🔥 Resist the Urge for Payback
Yes, betrayal hurts. But revenge traps you in the pain. Let it go—for you, not them.
🌱 Focus on the Upsides of Being Single
Single life can be freeing, spacious, and healing. Love will come again—this time from a stronger you.
Get the book specifically for overcoming love and relationship withdrawal:
Surviving Withdrawal: The Breakup Recovery Workbook (by Jim Hall, M.S.): Whether you're fresh out of a breakup or deep in emotional withdrawal, this guide gives you the tools, structure, and support to heal for good.
Final Thoughts
Recovering from love addiction withdrawal isn’t easy, but with the right support and strategies, it’s absolutely possible—and life-changing.
Withdrawal can feel like emotional freefall—dark, endless, and unbearable. But hear this: you will survive it. And if you commit to real, healthy action—the kind I recommend—you won’t just survive. You’ll come out stronger, wiser, and more emotionally grounded than you’ve ever been.
I’ve been through this (my story). It nearly broke me. But in hindsight, it saved me. That darkest moment became the beginning of everything good that followed.
This can be your moment of transformation—but only if you stop running from the pain and move toward healing. Going back or doing nothing only repeats the cycle. You’re here to break it.
Now is the time to choose yourself. Choose recovery. Choose peace.
Your healing starts now.
Reference:
Sbarra, D. A., & Ferrer, E. (2020). The neural and emotional signatures of romantic rejection: A model of relationship loss as a form of addiction. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 37(1), 3–22.
StrIVeMD Wellness and Ketamine. (2024, July 26). Brain chemistry after a breakup: Understanding the neuroscience of heartbreak and the potential role for ketamine and stellate ganglion block. StrIVeMD Wellness.
💫 Get Out of Love Withdrawal: Love Addiction Coaching with Jim Hall, M.S.
My coaching provides the clarity, insight, and actionable wisdom that can help you untangle the patterns of love addiction, insecure attachment, and codependency that cause you pain. Whether you're anxiously attached, stuck in toxic cycles, or struggling with an unavailable or narcissistic partner...
Begin Your Breakthrough Today... Explore Love Addiction Coaching
💫 Surviving Withdrawal: The Breakup Recovery Workbook for Love Addicts
Surviving Withdrawal: The Breakup Recovery Workbook (by Jim Hall, M.S.): Whether you're fresh out of a breakup or deep in emotional withdrawal, this guide gives you the tools, structure, and support to heal for good.