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Love Avoidant Test: Is My Partner Emotionally Unavailable?

 By Jim Hall, MS, Love Addiction Specialist
love addiction coaching

If you are a Love / Relationship Addict, then you are probably in a relationship or have been in relationship with a Love Avoidant. But how can you confirm your relationship partner truly is truly avoidantly attached?

The following assessment is a very effective and applicable means to determine if your partner (current and/or previous) is Love Avoidant.

Feel free to print this page and complete by reading each statement and answering with a Yes or No.


Avoidant Partner Attachment Style Test

© Copyright Jim Hall, MS | www.loveaddictionhelp.com
 


Circle either Yes or No to the following statements:

  1. My partner was great in the beginning (attentive, complimentary, caring, affectionate, etc.), but gradually became more distant/shut down/uncaring.
    Yes __ No __

     
  2. My partner is often critical of me (belittling, condescending; points out flaws or imperfections, etc.).
    Yes __ No __

     
  3. My partner walks away during disagreements/arguments; may go away to “explode”; may say to me, “Forget it; I don’t want to talk about it.”
    Yes __ No __

     
  4. My partner is vague/unclear about what happened in his/her past relationships; or why a relationship ended.
    Yes __ No __

     
  5. My partner is unsupportive/unsympathetic when I need him/her most.
    Yes __ No __

     
  6. My partner is self-centered, arrogant, selfish, and/or narcissistic.
    Yes __ No __

     
  7. My partner blames me when we have problems/difficulties in our relationship.
    Yes __ No __

     
  8. My partner refuses to say, “I love you”, but tries to imply otherwise.
    Yes __ No __

     
  9. My partner is compulsively focused away/outside our relationship (with work, hobbies, sports, internet, shopping, volunteering, time with friends/family, etc.).
    Yes __ No __

     
  10. My partner is resistant to seeking outside help such as therapy/counseling (for him/herself; or the relationship); views seeking professional help as a weakness or waste of time.
    Yes __ No __

     
  11. My partner evades physical closeness- such as holding hands, caressing, hugging, walking ahead, sleeps in a separate bed, etc.
    Yes __ No __

     
  12. My partner wants to manage/control most aspects of our relationship (rigid view of how relationships should be; uncompromising rules).
    Yes __ No __

     
  13. My partner will “show up” relationally, (becomes considerate, loving, attentive, etc.) – but ONLY when I emotionally/physically pull away, detach, or “give up”.
    Yes __ No __

     
  14. My partner thinks only of his/her relationship needs/wants as important, yet discounts, or disregards my own.
    Yes __ No __

     
  15. My partner withholds important information from me.
    Yes __ No __

     
  16. My partner seldom makes his/her intentions clear, leaving me guessing as to what he/she is thinking or feeling.
    Yes __ No __

     
  17. My partner creates problems/drama in the relationship when things seem to be going well.
    Yes __ No __

     
  18. My partner has a secret life away from me in the relationship (hides parts of his/her life).
    Yes __ No __

     
  19. My partner rarely, if ever, takes responsibility for his/her behaviors that contribute to our relationship problems.
    Yes __ No __

     
  20. My partner uses the “silent treatment” to control, create, or maintain emotional distance.
    Yes __ No __

     
  21. My partner is frequently unwilling to talk about what is going on with us, relationally, as a couple.
    Yes __ No __

     
  22. My partner asserts that, “I need to stop analyzing everything”.
    Yes __ No __

     
  23. My partner complains that no matter what he/she does, it is never enough.
    Yes __ No __

     
  24. My partner becomes angry/cynical/defensive, when I try to resolve a relationship issue; and/or communicate my own needs/wants (i.e., affection/intimacy, more time together, etc.).
    Yes __ No __

     
  25. My partner denies or represses emotions rather than expresses them.
    Yes __ No __

     
  26. My partner seldom displays appreciation and gratitude.
    Yes __ No __

     
  27. My partner complains that I am too needy/sensitive/demanding.
    Yes __ No __

     
  28. My partner is someone, in whom, I am not sure I truly know.  
    Yes __ No __

     
  29. My partner is hyper-focused on independence and self-reliance.
    Yes __ No __

     
  30. My partner will say something to me, and later say he/she never said it.
    Yes __ No __

     
  31. My partner is cold, indifferent, or distant to anything related to vulnerability/feelings.
    Yes __ No __

     
  32. My partner keeps so busy that there is little to no relational time together.
    Yes __ No __

     
  33. My partner seldom shares his/her relationship needs/wants/hopes.
    Yes __ No __

     
  34. My partner lacks empathy and/or sympathy with me, and/or others.
    Yes __ No __

     
  35. My partner idealizes/romanticizes a previous relationship/partner.
    Yes __ No __

     
  36. My partner believes that taking care of me (by giving, providing, doing), is adequate proof that he/she loves me.
    Yes __ No __

     
  37. My partner suggests that only he/she knows what should, or should not be done in our relationship.
    Yes __ No __

     
  38. My partner sends mixed messages (i.e., “he says he loves me, but his actions say otherwise”; “she talks about our long-term future relationship together, yet refuses to commit”; “he’s warned me up front that he is a ‘bad boyfriend/not relationship material’, yet still sticks around”,  etc.)
    Yes __ No __

     
  39. My partner frequently wants to escape the relationship (wanting space or alone time).
    Yes __ No __

     
  40. My partner rarely provides me reassurance that he/she is entirely dedicated/devoted to the long-term growth of our relationship; seems to have “one foot out of the door”.
    Yes __ No __

     
  41. My partner believes that sharing/expressing feelings and emotions is a sign of weakness.
    Yes __ No __

     
  42. My partner spends more time away from the relationship than seems normal.
    Yes __ No __

     
  43. My partner evades intimacy/closeness with an addiction (drinking, drug use, gambling, porn, or other addictive behavior).
    Yes __ No __

     
  44. My partner has had an affair or one-night-stand in the course of our relationship.
    Yes __ No __

     
  45. My partner uses porn/masturbation to avoid intimacy, or escape from the pressures in the relationship.
    Yes __ No __

     
  46. My partner commonly withholds sex.
    Yes __ No __

     
  47. My partner may consider my needs/wants on a certain matter, and then soon after, disregard them.
    Yes __ No __

     
  48. My partner is emotionally and/or physically abusive.
    Yes __ No __

     
  49. My partner often eludes making specific plans or commitments (plans/commitments are often unclear).
    Yes __ No __

     
  50. My partner seems unconcerned to whether I am happy/satisfied in our relationship.
    Yes __ No __            

If you answered yes to five or more questions, your partner is almost certainly emotionaly unavailable and Avoidant.  


* Keep in mind, there are varying degrees of Love Avoidance, so even if you do not answer yes to all (or a majority) of the questions, your partner can still have Love Avoidance. Moreover, some individuals may have a couple/few love avoidant indicators-- yet if secure traits, attitudes, and behaviors dominate the few avoidant indicators, this can often be enough to meet important relational/intimacy needs- or as some may say, fill your love bank.

About the Author: Jim Hall MS, is a Love Addiction Specialist, Online Recovery Coach, and Author of 3 Books on Love Addiction and Recovering. As a leading expert, through his writings and online recovery practice, Jim offers much hope for those struggling with love addiction- to discover a healthy and solid path to break free from obsessive love patterns as well support and guidance to overcome the acute discomfort of breakup love withdrawal.
 

Are you addicted to a Love Avoidant?  Are you tired of tolerating “crumbs”, and the emotional highs and lows? Not sure what to do? Consider Love Addiction Coaching - and discover the insights and clarity you need to get Grow, Strengthen, and Be Empowered! - 

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