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Surviving Withdrawal: Breakup Workbook for Love Addicts | love addiction help

"Change occurs when one becomes what he/she is, not when he/she tries to become what he is not"
- A.Beisser-

Is Your Love Relationship Healthy?

Are you in a relationship and wonder if it is healthy or wonder if your partner is good for you? Do you wonder if any of your past relationships and partners were healthy or not? The following is a 25-question healthy relationship quiz (assessment) designed to help you discover the answer.

1.  My partner recognizes & honor's my wants and needs.

T or F

2.   My partner is encouraging, empathetic, and supportive when I am distressed.

T or F

3.   I feel loved, esteemed, and valued by my partner.                                                              

T or F

4.  My partner and I are content and grateful when we are together.

T or F

5.  My partner and I share common interests in which we enjoy.

T or F

6.  My partner and I openly and respectfully share each other’s thoughts and feelings.

T or F

7.  My partner and I are able to compromise, negotiate, and respectfully resolve conflicts when they arise.

T or F

8.  My partner is emotionally available in our relationship.                                               

T or F

9.  My partner and I never use withdrawal or distancing tactics from each other when relational challenges occur.

T or F

10.  My partner and I are never invalidating, judgmental, or verbally abusive/belittling to each other.

T or F

11.  My partner and I feel safe and secure in our relationship; and we are able to share honestly with each other.

T or F

12.  My partner is 100% trustworthy and dependable.

T or F

13.  I never feel isolated, neglected, or without a friend in my relationship.          

T or F

14.  My partner is not controlling, self-centered, or egotistical.

T or F

15.  I seldom feel let down or disappointed by my partner.

T or F

16.  I feel connected and close to my partner.

T or F

17.  I feel devotion, kindness, cared about; and appreciated by my partner.

T or F

19. My partner and I generally have a satisfying sexual relationship.

T or F

20. My partner & I are emotionally and physically faithful to each other.

T or F

21. My partner and I often say, “I love you.”

T or F

22.  My partner and I support each other’s goals and aspirations.

T or F

23.  My partner & I do not abuse alcohol or drugs and have no other compulsive behaviors or addictions.                                 

T or F

24.  If married: I view my partner as an excellent choice for a long-term relationship; and I would marry him/her all over again. If not married: I view my partner as an excellent choice and could see myself happily married to him/her).                                 

T or F 

25. On the whole, I see my partner as my best friend.

T or F

Score your relationship assessment:

Count the number of answers you circled “True.”

19-25: You likely have a Healthy/Fulfilling relationship.

14-18: Improvement is needed; likely recurrent problems; counseling is recommended.

13 or less: Unhealthy Relationship; likelihood of chronic emotional pain and relational dysfunction: * If you are married and your relationship is facing foreseeable separation/divorce (it is urgent to arrange counseling to save the relationship and want to make it work).
* If you are not yet married, you should seriously consider getting out of the relationship and doing the work necessary for your own emotional growth and recovery. I would suggest staying in the relationship ONLY if your partner is sincerely committed enough and willing to do whatever is necessary to improve the relationship, (i.e., long-term counseling).

Healthy relationships are about: enhancing your life; making your life happier; improving your emotional well-being, and fulfilling a human need for closeness, connection, and intimacy.

Unhealthy relationships are about: constraining your life, demolishing your emotional health, and making you feel crazy.

It takes a whole, secure person to give love and accept and receive love. It takes emotional maturity to be relationally mature… to create healthy fulfilling relationships.

Love addicts have great difficulty comprehending what a healthy relationship looks like- and generally have never experienced one. This is not surprising since love addicts have grown-up in a dysfunctional or less than nurturing family- and in their childhood years never had an opportunity to model an authentic healthy relationship.

In recovery, you come to genuinely understand healthy love- and realize, by all means, having a healthy relationship is possible for you- despite never experiencing it in your past... believe it!

If you are attracting and attracted unhealthy and dysfunctional people, you are unhealthy and dysfunctional. Unhealthy and dysfunctional is NOT ‘WHO YOU ARE’. You were not born this way. It is a problem, but one that can be mended. Do not give up and do not let your old patterns and past relationship experiences make you think otherwise. Start your recovery work so that authentic love and lasting love can become a very real possibility in your life. Do nothing, then this relational problem will no doubt continue to “bite you in the ass”.

You deserve nothing less than real, genuine, healthy love … and yes, no matter your past experiences, it is exceedingly very possible.

Learn all about Love Addiction: Unravel the unhealthy dynamics of addictive relationships between the love addict and love avoidant in Jim Hall, MS book: The LOVE ADDICT in Love Addiction


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