Personal "Bill Of Rights"
Key to Healthy Boundaries, Intimacy, & Self-Worth

By Jim Hall MS, Love Addiction Specialist,
Online Recovery Coach, Author

People with healthy boundaries – and -- a secure sense of self, have an internal awareness of their individual rights … Basic Rights of All Human Beings … AND THEY ARE YOURS!

As human beings, we all have Inherent Personal Rights which, if known, contribute to well-being, self-esteem, and internal boundaries. These essential rights (listed below) are ones in which love addicts and codependents often did not learn in childhood growing up in a dysfunctional family.

In fact, many people were wrongly deceived in childhood, learning something quite the opposite of these personal rights, as a result of being raised by an immature, shame-based, or abusive parent (or parents). They often received a spoken or unspoken message that individual rights were limited or off grounds, that it was somehow not okay to do, believe, feel, or say certain things; or that is was not okay to even be "who I am"- real, authentic.

As mentioned, below is an important list of these personal rights. These are your “PERSONAL BILL OF RIGHTS.” These rights are not for selected “special” people- there's no such crap! You may have never known you have always had these rights. Now you do know- and from this day forward you could start to make them part of your being.

These Truths… these Realities … these fundamental rights, are just as much yours!

You have always had these rights – you are just as entitled to these rights than anyone else.

These “Personal Bill Of Rights” are for you to Embrace—to Internalize in You, the Truth-- they are YOURS!

* As an exercise/ tool: 
Acknowledge that while you may not have been taught some of these beliefs as a child, you can own/adopt them today. Use your Bill Of Rights list (below), to begin affirming each into your mind and soul! Do so by repeating each right to yourself at least 3-5 times a day for several weeks; then every other day for several weeks; then every three days; and so on. State your rights aloud to yourself as well. Affirming your personal rights repeatedly and consistently will help free you of old distorted (false) beliefs. Embrace each one as yours- they are! The more consistent you are in affirming these rights, the more you will embed these truths in you. They'll pay great dividends in your life and relationships.

YOU HAVE THESE RIGHTS... YOU ARE A RIGHTFUL OWNER OF THEM. THEY ARE YOURS! AFFIRM, EMBRACE, AND DECLARE THESE TRUTHS OUT- LOUD!

My Personal "Bill of Rights"
 

I Now Declare...

1. I have a right to experience all my emotions- they make me neither weak nor strong, they are a natural part of being human.

2. I have the right to share and/or express my feelings to others if and when I choose, without obligation, guilt, or shame.

3. I have the right to trust my intuitions.

4. I have the right to NOT take responsibility for people’s behaviors, feelings, or problems.

5. I have a right to a healthy, loving, secure, nurturing relationship.

6. I have the right to respect and compassion from others– and NOTHING LESS.

7. I have the right to make my own decisions.

8. I have the right to care for my own emotional and physical wellbeing.

9. I have a right to spend time and energy on myself, to do things that make my life enjoyable; and treat myself as I want and deserve to be treated by others.

10. I have the right to distinguish who other people say I am (or was) and who I actually am.

11. I have the right to  NOT be treated like a "doormat", and if one does, to get up off the floor and stand up for myself.

12. I have the right to BE ME, without explanation, apology, or defense.

13. I have the right to say NO.

14. I have the right to say YES.

15. I have the right to NOT always be nice, good, right, and strong.

16. I have the right to be selfish; being selfish (attending to my own needs; self-nurturing) is healthy and good- as long as I don't hinder or disrespect others rights to care for themselves.

17. I have the right to smile, laugh, have fun, relax, be spontaneous, and play.

18. I have the right to trust others and trust myself.

19. I have the right to be vulnerable.

20. I have the right to be direct, assertive, and set strong/healthy boundaries- without guilt or explanation.

21. I have the right to develop and grow at my own pace, and in the directions I feel are best for me.

22. I have the right to view another person who is being critical/judgmental of me, as one who is projecting his/her own insecurity and shame … and know ‘IT IS NOT ABOUT ME’, but only "ABOUT HIM/HER'.

23. I have the right to NOT people-please at the expense of my emotional well-being – even if it means saying “no” to people who are used to hearing “yes”.

24. I have the right to put my needs first, before the needs of another.

25. I have the right to be IMPERFECT; to make mistakes and be wrong.

26. I have the right to say exactly what I mean, what I feel, or what I believe in a respectful manner, when I feel is necessary.

27. I have the right to fully and unconditionally forgive myself for past mistakes.

28. I have the right to ask for what I want or need.

29. I have a right to disengage/detach from anyone who deliberately or inadvertently puts me down, lays a guilt trip on me, or tries to control what I do, believe, or feel.

30. I have the right to change my mind; or decide on a different course of action, anytime I so choose.

31. I have the right to not identify with, or ‘carry the torch’, of my family of origin’s dysfunction, shame, or toxic rules/beliefs.

32. I have the right to allow positive people, experiences, and situations to freely and effortlessly enter into my life.

33. I have the right to ‘speak up’ if i desire, or ‘remain silent’ if I desire, about any topic, and around anyone, at any time, as I wish.

34. I have a right to 'where my feelings on my shoulders' (i.e., not smile if I feel sad or disappointed).

35. I have a right to grow and develop myself as a whole person emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, and psychologically.

36. I have the right to love, to accept, to embrace, and to fully appreciate myself unconditionally.

37. I have the right to be in relationships without losing my identity; abandoning my interests, needs, and wants.

38. I have the right to Embrace an important Truth, that I AM ME - and I AM OKAY,  JUST AS I AM.

39. I have the right to fill my own needs and wants, rather than demand or expect others to do so for me. * And for my needs and wants to be respected, AT ALL TIMES.

40. I have the right and duty to myself, to fully honor and practice in my life, 'My Personal Bill of Rights'.

 

From this day forward, you can now legitimately proclaim and act on these rights without fear, guilt, or shame. You need no permission to live by these rights. Instill them in you on your journey to attain the strength, growth, and serenity you rightfully deserve in relationships, in your life!

About the Author: 
Jim Hall MS, is a Love Addiction Specialist, Online Recovery Coach, and Author of 3 Books on Love Addiction and Recovering. As a leading expert, Through his writings and online recovery practice, Jim offers much hope for those struggling with love addiction- to discover a healthy and solid path to break free from obsessive love patterns as well support and guidance to overcome the acute discomfort of breakup love withdrawal.

Learn all about Love Addiction: Unravel the unhealthy dynamics of addictive relationships between the love addict and love avoidant
The LOVE ADDICT in Love Addiction

Overcome painful obsessive symptoms of love withdrawal
SURVIVING WITHDRAWAL: The Break Up Workbook for Love Addicts 

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