Love Addiction Cycle: Love Addict and Love Avoidant
By Jim Hall, MS, Love Addiction Specialist
In this article, you will learn about the Love Addiction Cycle that occurs in addictive relationships between the love addict and the love avoidant, involving a toxic "push-pull" cycle full of effusive highs and lows that are driven by the love addict's intense fear of abandonment and the love avoidant's intense fear of intimacy.
Love Addiction is a compulsive, unhealthy dependency in relationships that negatively affects both the love addict and love avoidant. This dependency is driven by denial, fantasy, and impaired expectations.
When a Love Addict and a Love Avoidant come together, they ignite a familiar and predictable attachment pattern: an unhealthy, toxic cycle I call the Love Addiction Cycle. This cycle, also known as the love addict-love avoidant cycle, is a distressful 'push-pull dance' of emotional highs and lows, where the Love Addict is on the chase, and the Love Avoidant is on the run.
The exhilarating “highs” for love addicts are noticeably prominent at the beginning of an addictive relationship. However, as this cycle progresses, anxiety over the level of closeness or distance drives both the pursuer and the distancer in a 'crazy-making, yo-yo dance' that sooner or later results in both partners feeling distressed, depressed, and miserable, particularly if the love addict enters breakup withdrawal.
What Causes the Love Addiction Cycle?
The short answer: this cycle is driven by the love addict's intense fear of abandonment, which clashes with the love avoidant's strong fear of intimacy. This dynamic is rooted in deep-seated insecure attachment patterns, often seen in anxious-avoidant couples.
In these relationships, the partner with anxious attachment (the love addict) clings for validation and connection, while the partner with avoidant attachment withdraws or distances to maintain independence. As research shows, this dynamic intensifies emotional distress and reinforces cycles of pursuit and withdrawal, which are often mistaken for passion but are rooted in insecurity and emotional dependence (Guan et al., 2025).
When a love avoidant senses the love addict's desire for closeness, it triggers their deep-seated fear of intimacy—they equate closeness with being stifled and controlled. These core fears are the repellent forces that drive each partner, perpetuating the toxic love addiction cycle.
Below is a detailed breakdown of the love addiction cycle between the love addict and the love avoidant.
Understanding the 5-Stage Love Addiction Cycle
This cycle demonstrates how the relationship progresses from an initial "high" to a final collapse or a repeat of the cycle. The love addict and love avoidant are two halves of the same painful dynamic.
- Intense Attraction (The High)
A high intensity of chemistry creates an immediate rush. The avoidant comes on strong, creating a facade of availability, while the love addict feels desired and validated. Fantasy and idealization take over, and both get a "high" from the initial connection. - Emotional Imbalance Emerges
As intimacy builds, the avoidant begins pulling away with subtle distancing tactics. This triggers the addict's obsession and dependency, who then abandons outside interests and increases attempts to get closer. - The Push-Pull Dynamic Escalates
The avoidant feels suffocated and pushes their partner away, increasingly focusing on things outside the relationship. The love addict begins to panic, notices the walls, and escalates their attempts to connect through demanding and controlling behaviors. - The Emotional Crash
The avoidant’s walls reach their height, often through resentment, blame, or anger. The love addict’s denial breaks, and they experience shock, panic, depression, and self-blame, desperately trying to "fix" the relationship. - Recycle or Recovery
At this point, one of two things happens: the relationship ends and one or both partners seek a new relationship to repeat the same cycle, or one partner gets help and begins an effective recovery process.
Love Addiction Cycle vs. a Healthy Relationship
Addictive relationships are inherently insecure and unhealthy. Since both partners are insecurely attached, they become repellents to one another.
In a healthy, fulfilling relationship, couples engage in intimate closeness and can mutually withdraw to integrate into their respective senses of self. This natural ebb and flow of connection, disconnection, and reconnection is a healthy dance.
In contrast, the addictive cycle in a relationship is a persistent, unhealthy, and discouraging cycle. Both partners become dissatisfied and feel like they are losing themselves in a drama-filled, toxic pattern that can repeat for months, years, or decades.
It's important to keep in mind that even if the relationship cycle ends, the love addict and avoidant will move on to find another romantic relationship to repeat the cycle—unless one or both step into an effective recovery and healing process.
Final Thoughts
The love addiction cycle is a deeply painful and exhausting pattern—but it’s not permanent. By recognizing the signs and seeking help, you’ve already taken the most important first step toward healing.
With the right recovery tools, support, and commitment to personal growth, you can break free from love addiction and build the secure, fulfilling relationships you deserve.
Start by prioritizing your emotional well-being, practicing self-compassion, and working with professionals who understand the unique challenges of attachment-based relationship issues.
Recovery is possible. Real love is possible. And it begins with you.
👉 Next Read: Love Addiction Explained: Signs, Causes, and the Path to Recovery
✅ Reference:
Guan, C., Wang, J., Zhang, L., Xu, Z., Zhang, Y., & Jiang, B. (2025). A longitudinal network analysis of the relationship between love addiction, insecure attachment patterns, and interpersonal dependence. BMC Psychology, 13, Article 330. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40359-025-02605-3